Rubik’s Cube

March 12, 2008

I’ve been through a lot of things lately. That’s the main reason why I had to stop blogging for a while. My mind was preoccupied with a lot of things. All of them want to be written, so I ended up writing nothing.

Pregrancies.No, I’m not pregnant! How can I be? LOL. My mom is already 44 years old. And she’s got a baby in her womb. That dude there would be the 7th member of the family. It was hard for us to accept the fact that she’s heavy with child, at first. Isn’t she scared of high risk having a baby at her age? Amf. Well, they said it’s a blessing to have a child. So, we just shut our gob up. You think it will be cute and winsome when a baby is bawling in the middle of your forty winks? We have no choice. Oh, our youngest is 18 years old, by the way. So, I think it’s time to have a baby playmate at home. Hmmm.

And, not only my mother is pregnant, but my 18-year old sister as well. Shocking? Yeah! Jaw-dropping. She’s 18 and still studying. Goodbye nursing career! And the father? Well, that would be too much of an information. That would be a very long story. I digress. 

I hate you premarital sex! I hate you lust! I hate you libido! You ruin lives!

Then again, we didn’t know what to do. We have no choice. So, that makes it two babies. Quite cool, huh? Synchronized crying. Synchronized poopoo and pee. Arrghhh. Sorry little angels, but I have to say this. I hate babies! I just don’t know. Maybe because I don’t want to touch their delicate and fragile bones, their soft skin, their soft head (?), or even to hear their cry. These are signs of weakness. And, I hate being weak. Babies remind me of my inner self. Char!

But I love kids. I love it when they start to walk and talk. I love it when they giggle for small things. Run here, run there. Talk here, and talk there. For me, these are signs of strength. Signs of trying to live. Struggling to survive. Kids remind me of who I want to be. care. hehe.

Grey’s Anatomy.Well, I have spent free time reading Grey’s Anatomy Script. Yeah. From Season 1 to Season 4. All the Episodes. That’s quite a lot, I know. I enjoy it. Really. I love it when they say morphine, barbital, demerol, cardiothoracic, neuro, psych, neonatal, mesenteric teratoma, tumor, cancer, necrotic bacteria, flu, syphilis, and all other medical terms. Somehow, that made me want to become a doctor. A surgeon at that. 10-blade scalpel. Suction. Drill. Suture. Whip stitch. Aren’t they wonderful? That’s why I got hooked up reading the script. I hate you Grey’s Anatomy. That’s because you make me build castles in the air! I hate you because you make me feel so frustrated in life that I want to practice surgery on my own brain! Toinkz.

Breakups. Okay. The word says it all.

New Projects. Yeah. I’m busy. I love new assignments. They make me think that life isn’t that boring after all. So, keep ’em comin’.

Caffeine. I did not have coffee or coke, lately. Abstinence. A vow of celibacy (?). Kidding. The absence of caffeine makes me feel like got out of the wrong side of the bed. Bad-hair day. So, I wouldn’t be in the mood to blog. Somehow, I want to have my own vending machine. What do you think? A good idea!

Well, life is like a Rubik’s Cube. There are innumerable wrong twists and turns. But when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter which side you look at.

Now, I remain alive. And I’m back in the game. Isn’t that great? I don’t think so.


Love, overrated.

January 18, 2008

I don’t wanna lie no more. I don’t wanna fool myself over and over again. So, I want you to know that this is real. Those times when I looked into your eyes without a doubt, I know I need you more than anything else that matters. Those times when we held hands, I know you’ll never let go. Those times when we laughed at silly thoughts, I know I could never be happier. Those times when we spent time together, I know I could never spend such wonderful moment again. Those times when we kept in touch and told how much we missed each other, I know I could never have someone like you again. Those times when we spoke sweet words of loving, I know I could never hear such beautiful words again. Those times when you said you love me, I know I could never ever love someone like you again.

That’s why missing you is an agony, but strengthens my heart to love you even more. A day feels like years, and I long to see those beautiful smile in your eyes. The night seems so long and endless without a word from you. The room seems so empty and stale. The wind seems so cold and painful. It’s as if the only cure is you. Indeed, you. I long to feel those loving embraces. I long to hear your dulcet voice. It seems like melody in the air my heart keeps on memorizing each line you uttered.

“I wanna believe it’s love this time. I wanna believe my heart is not telling me lies; because with you, I can’t deny. If I believe in paradise, I’d swear I’ll be there.”

Those words. Your words. So, now, I told you I love you. I know that’s real. I know deep in my heart. It’s the love no man could fathom. It’s the love no word could ever describe. I want you to know that I’m always here. That, I want to kiss away old hurts. That, I want you to be happier than you’ve ever been before. And, I want you to know that I’m staying. I’ll stand by your side. I’ll hold on to my promises no matter what. I’ll be there for you through it all. That’s why I’m keeping you though this might bruise me. Call it martyrdom. I’ll call it love.