On being away

February 16, 2009

I know that it has been a while since I have updated this site. Truth be told, WordPress has been blocked in the office for a not-so-valid reason (well actually, the reason why it was blocked is that WordPress is a “forum” site, which I completely disagree).

Well, I know for a fact that some of the employees (count me in) resort to blogging when boredom is getting in the hair. You can’t help it. We can’t be playing Pinball and Spider Solitaire all the time.

On second note, some of us don’t do our tasks anymore (again, that counts me in). But wouldn’t it be nice not to block WordPress, so we can bloghop and get new ideas from other bloggers? I mean, the field is writing. Wouldn’t the blogosphere be a great help?

I don’t want to whine, but yes, the current project’s not doing us any good. Two of my colleagues have resigned because of being burned out. Somehow, I also want to express here that I, too, don’t have any drive to do the job anymore. To think, those two are our front runners. They are the cream of the crop (read: they are paid the highest). Darn! But I digress.

The thought of it is just excruciatingly exhausting.

And oh, the internet at home’s not back yet since I haven’t paid the 3-month bill plus the reconnection fee yet. How convenient! Hehe

So, I’m telling y’all that I might be away for a while. And I will surely miss you.

P.S. baka di muna ako makavisit sa ibang sites. One hour lang ako sa cafe eh. hehehe. 😆

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Impasse

January 20, 2009

I know I have been away for a while (again). The past few days have been busy. Work. Work. And work. Wait, have I been working? The last time I check, I was just daydreaming; sleeping in the office for a couple of hours; surfing the net, looking for something to write about – from politics to business and economy or from  science to showbiz.

Well, we have been working on the same project for months now. I can smell boredom under my nostrils.  I’m losing my drive. The momentum is lost. And nothing keeps me motivated. In fact, we have been ordered to delete all our mp3 files and other audio files (not to mention the movie files as well) for some reasons.

Now, one of my team mates is resigning from the job. Work’s getting in my hair and I can see resignation letters through my retina. They (the team leaders) can sense it. Almost all of the employees in our department are exhausted. That’s certain. We don’t have many options. Even resignation shouldn’t be an option. But as day goes by, it’s as if I, for one, am getting closer to that certain end. Like a black hole or something. An impasse. I couldn’t help it. And I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, or why I should feel this way. I can’t find a good reason to go, but I can’t find a better reason to stay either.

Maybe, this isn’t the job for me. Or maybe this isn’t the right time. Maybe. But one thing’s for sure, I’ve learned a lot. Nuff said.

By the way, I was just writing this to show that I have a new signature. Hahaha!

…I don’t want to. Licensure Examination for Teachers (LET) will be on September 28, 2008. That’s more or less a month away from now. And, I haven’t enrolled in a review center because for me, it’s just a waste of money. I only opened the first page of my reviewer, which I bought months ago. It’s just that every time I open my book, it would induce migraine or any illness of sort. And there’s just too many subjects to study – English, Math, Filipino, Science, P.E, Ethics, Foundations of Education, Political Science, and all others. I don’t know where to start. Or, I am such a lazy bum! Maybe because I was never taught to study when I was a kid. And I was never used to it.

Now, I’m in a cold sweat. Geez, I can’t afford to fail this exam. I know people say that the exam’s as easy as pie. So, failing it would mean the end of my career and entire life, perhaps.

I just can’t find any motivation to study, at all. No matter how I convince myself to study, I just don’t feel like it.

I graduated like a year ago, and all that has been taught by our teachers now vanished in thin air. So, instead of thinking some non-existent motivations, why don’t I think of some strategies in ending my life if ever I flunk that exam? Hmm. What about jumping off the building? Or bridge? No, I don’t want my face to be distorted when I die. Whatever. Okay, what about cutting my wrist? Nah, that must be painful. Hanging myself on the shower rod? That’s gradual. I want something quick. Carbon Monoxide? That’s quick and painless. That must be great! But I can’t just sniff some smoke from the jeepneys’ smoke belchers! Overdosing myself with Memo Plus Gold? That wouldn’t do any good. Kuya Kim would kill me.

I’m running out of ways.

Okay, self-destruct in…

5

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4

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3

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2

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Maybe, I should start studying. NOW! 😦

Panic-stricken.

August 22, 2008

Nothing scares the hell out of me than leaving my cellular phone at home. I was in a hurry for work. Besides the fact that I needed it to contact some people, it is still “unli.” I just got the confirmation that I could use my Globe Unlimited Text around 5 in the morning. Yes, I was still up by that time. And the fact that I can’t use it from 9 in the morning until 6 in the evening just makes me wanna cry. I know I’m overreacting. But it’s just a waste of money. How can I live up to my motto “Lugiin ang Globe sa UNLITXT?” Okay, I usually send around 1000 text messages in a day (Globe-to-Globe), and that only costs me 20 pesos. But I can’t also go back home and risk my 100 pesos for being late for work. Argghh!

Worse, my mom’s in the house. The phone doesn’t have security lock. The tendency is, she will be reading all my messages – from inbox to sent items to drafts to outbox to archives to all other folders. And oh, that includes call registers. Before, she read my 500 plus messages. All of those are the private ones. Geez, I am such a klutz! Why do I keep messages anyway? I have to learn my lesson that not all the time my phone’s with me. Now, I’m down on my knees, praying that the phone would turn off on its own. Lucky me, it has a PIN code. But I just recharged it and there will be no way that it will be turned off. Now, I’m dead, frightened out of my own wit. I’m calling all the gods and goddesses, including Dyosa, to help me. Please, spare my life.

Oh, I have to get back to work, else, I’d be deader than ever.

It’s not that I’m whining, okay, maybe I am. No, not maybe. I am indeed whining. No, complaining. Whining is complaining with some unimportant matters. But, this is important. So yes, that’s it. I am complaining. I feel envious with some workmates’ computers. Mine is as old as the hill. And I tell you, it’s slower than abacus. Well, that’s exaggeration. But, this machine really is slow.

Everytime I switch from window to window [Alt + Tab], I see an hourglass. Hourglass for minutes. Holy shit. When I save files, another hourglass for hours. Oh, crap! I feel pissed off everytime I open windows. I want to work as fast as I could, but this computer just keeps on loading and loading.

Maybe this is the reason. And I’m pretty sure of that.

You think this isn\'t snail?

You think this isn\

There. Oh by the way, John also found out that my computer is really slow. He told me he couldn’t add some memory for the RAM because my computer’s version is old. The same year EDVAC was invented. So, it wouldn’t be compatible with the new version. So, I’d have to settle with this. Oh what bad luck!

Now, I’m down on my knees hoping some Core 2 Duo or Quad Core would fall from heaven. Well, you may call it “building castles in the air.” That’s just sad.

*sob sob* 😥