…I don’t want to. Licensure Examination for Teachers (LET) will be on September 28, 2008. That’s more or less a month away from now. And, I haven’t enrolled in a review center because for me, it’s just a waste of money. I only opened the first page of my reviewer, which I bought months ago. It’s just that every time I open my book, it would induce migraine or any illness of sort. And there’s just too many subjects to study – English, Math, Filipino, Science, P.E, Ethics, Foundations of Education, Political Science, and all others. I don’t know where to start. Or, I am such a lazy bum! Maybe because I was never taught to study when I was a kid. And I was never used to it.

Now, I’m in a cold sweat. Geez, I can’t afford to fail this exam. I know people say that the exam’s as easy as pie. So, failing it would mean the end of my career and entire life, perhaps.

I just can’t find any motivation to study, at all. No matter how I convince myself to study, I just don’t feel like it.

I graduated like a year ago, and all that has been taught by our teachers now vanished in thin air. So, instead of thinking some non-existent motivations, why don’t I think of some strategies in ending my life if ever I flunk that exam? Hmm. What about jumping off the building? Or bridge? No, I don’t want my face to be distorted when I die. Whatever. Okay, what about cutting my wrist? Nah, that must be painful. Hanging myself on the shower rod? That’s gradual. I want something quick. Carbon Monoxide? That’s quick and painless. That must be great! But I can’t just sniff some smoke from the jeepneys’ smoke belchers! Overdosing myself with Memo Plus Gold? That wouldn’t do any good. Kuya Kim would kill me.

I’m running out of ways.

Okay, self-destruct in…

5

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4

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3

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2

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Maybe, I should start studying. NOW! 😦

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Panic-stricken.

August 22, 2008

Nothing scares the hell out of me than leaving my cellular phone at home. I was in a hurry for work. Besides the fact that I needed it to contact some people, it is still “unli.” I just got the confirmation that I could use my Globe Unlimited Text around 5 in the morning. Yes, I was still up by that time. And the fact that I can’t use it from 9 in the morning until 6 in the evening just makes me wanna cry. I know I’m overreacting. But it’s just a waste of money. How can I live up to my motto “Lugiin ang Globe sa UNLITXT?” Okay, I usually send around 1000 text messages in a day (Globe-to-Globe), and that only costs me 20 pesos. But I can’t also go back home and risk my 100 pesos for being late for work. Argghh!

Worse, my mom’s in the house. The phone doesn’t have security lock. The tendency is, she will be reading all my messages – from inbox to sent items to drafts to outbox to archives to all other folders. And oh, that includes call registers. Before, she read my 500 plus messages. All of those are the private ones. Geez, I am such a klutz! Why do I keep messages anyway? I have to learn my lesson that not all the time my phone’s with me. Now, I’m down on my knees, praying that the phone would turn off on its own. Lucky me, it has a PIN code. But I just recharged it and there will be no way that it will be turned off. Now, I’m dead, frightened out of my own wit. I’m calling all the gods and goddesses, including Dyosa, to help me. Please, spare my life.

Oh, I have to get back to work, else, I’d be deader than ever.