Impasse

January 20, 2009

I know I have been away for a while (again). The past few days have been busy. Work. Work. And work. Wait, have I been working? The last time I check, I was just daydreaming; sleeping in the office for a couple of hours; surfing the net, looking for something to write about – from politics to business and economy or from  science to showbiz.

Well, we have been working on the same project for months now. I can smell boredom under my nostrils.  I’m losing my drive. The momentum is lost. And nothing keeps me motivated. In fact, we have been ordered to delete all our mp3 files and other audio files (not to mention the movie files as well) for some reasons.

Now, one of my team mates is resigning from the job. Work’s getting in my hair and I can see resignation letters through my retina. They (the team leaders) can sense it. Almost all of the employees in our department are exhausted. That’s certain. We don’t have many options. Even resignation shouldn’t be an option. But as day goes by, it’s as if I, for one, am getting closer to that certain end. Like a black hole or something. An impasse. I couldn’t help it. And I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, or why I should feel this way. I can’t find a good reason to go, but I can’t find a better reason to stay either.

Maybe, this isn’t the job for me. Or maybe this isn’t the right time. Maybe. But one thing’s for sure, I’ve learned a lot. Nuff said.

By the way, I was just writing this to show that I have a new signature. Hahaha!

Something Mushy Part 2

July 31, 2008

Okay, here’s the continuation of the love note. :lol:

 

 FEELING BLUE

There are times in our lives when we are swept over by raging emotions, times when we are overwhelmed by sadness, overcome by misery, times when we feel that we are loved only for the worth others could get from us and not for who really are. It is natural to feel this way.

Sometimes we all need to be alone, to feel blue, to feel lonely, to listen to a song and cry. Then we ask ourselves, why does the song have to end? Why do we have to cry when love is taken away from us? Why does it have to hurt when we let go of someone we love?

In a relationship we treasure, the hardest thing is to do is saying goodbye and setting someone free. For every last embrace, a part of us dies. Every tear drop that falls washes away our hope. Then, we are left with nothing but pain and bitter memories because we have lost love but never knew how and will probably never know why.

We try to get away, but every move we make somehow has its way of reminding us of our past all over again. Every turn of our head and every blink of an eye remind us of love, lost in eternity, and it makes us wonder how one person can make us feel so empty, so alone, and so desolate.

Every song, no matter how beautiful it is, will have to end on it’s last note. Like every day has its night. All that has started will have to end on its own time. It is in inevitability that we cannot restrain something that we cannot control, and just a fact that we have to accept and live up with.

Let us remember that our lives does not have to end where our heartaches begin. Somewhere, someone will come along and sing us his song of love. Someday, someone will fill our lives with joy and happiness. Somehow, we will find love again, and it will wipe away out tears and bring us the promise of a new life, a new hope and a beautiful beginning.

Something Mushy Part 1

July 31, 2008

I was rummaging through my things in high school. Then, I found this piece of paper where I wrote something on it. As far as I can remember, what I wrote in there was copied from a cassette tape we had. I think this was read by Joe D. Mango. And I have no idea where it was now. So, I’m thinking of sharing this since I haven’t thought of anything to write yet. But I have to warn you, this piece is so mushy it would make you throw your innards out. :D

 

THE TRAGEDY OF LOVE

They say that only time can heal the wounds of a broken heart. That time makes it easier to accept the loss of the people we love. It is a chain that all of us go through – falling in love, getting hurt and vowing not to love again, promising not to love again, and becoming miserable all our lives. It isn’t easy getting up on our feet after a crippling fall, but there is just no other way but to stand up and move on.

Nobody wants to become unhappy all his life. All of us know how love can bring magic into our lives. Have you ever realized how good it felt, waking up in the morning, knowing that somewhere out there, there’s a person who’s also thinking of you and feels exactly the way you do? Doesn’t it feel good looking forward to being with that warm sparkling glow in each of us?

Love brings us on the top of the world that we can conquer just about any obstacle that may come along our way. It is a great feeling love is. There’s probably nothing else in this world that can compare to this. There may be many of us who feel that love has passed us by, and finding someone we can share our lives with seems to be such a remote possibility. We watch stranger go by as time swiftly drifts away from us.

We may be in control of our lives but we feel somewhat helpless in out relationships. There is nothing permanent in this world, and not even those we cherish will be with us forever. There is no guarantee that comes with loving. It is always a risk getting involved with someone. But it is a risk that we have to take if we want to find real happiness; for there is no gain without pain. There is no permanence without commitment, and there is no lasting love without constant sacrifice.

The tragedy of love is in getting hurt. The tragedy of getting hurt is not wanting to love again, and the tragedy of not wanting love again is in being alone all of our lives. If it is what we want to be, then we could just stay in our shell and be miserably forgotten. But if it is love we choose, then there’s a promise of a new life, the joy in being able to share that life with someone, and the hope of finding something beautiful and keeping it forever.

Contusion.

July 20, 2008

I am just another false impression.
Nothing extraordinary.
Nothing remarkable.
Someone you would never love.
Someone you would never trust.
Someone you would never want to be with.
And so
This torment is filled with candor.
So, lie to me.
Say you love me once again.
Say you need me one more time.
Lie to me.
Lie.
Such a beautiful lie.
Grief that is tainted with insanity.
Gripping death.
An unloved man.
That’s all that’s left of me, I guess.

Playing.

July 20, 2008

Doubts resurface.
Lies continue to unfold.
Haunting. So compelling.
At each strike, one in bended knees.

Denial. Clear-cut.
Irresistibly beautiful.
Fooling around. One-night stands.
Beneath sheets, not a regret.

Then, I fell.
Lost my sanity.
Overwhelmed by cardiac palpitations.
I gave in, not a question was told.

No one knew.
Until the day I was wounded.
Not using my head, I bled.
Drowning in my own tears, dried up.

The trust. The love.
Everything was but a lie.
I fell on bended knees.
Wishing. I could have used my mind.

This game.
I am destined to lose.
This game.
I am destined to be bruised.

And this game.
I am destined to be six feet under.

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